


Begin Again.

by phantasticjacky (danspastels)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Songfic, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-03 09:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4096246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danspastels/pseuds/phantasticjacky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I saw him and couldn’t help it, a huge smile appeared on my face. He was real, so close I could touch him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Begin Again.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy ♥

I was wrecked.

Literally. Wrecked.

_Not literally, you dumb piece of shit._

“Literally. Fucking literally, my mind was wrecked, by you”, I mumbled as I heard his voice in my head. I’d spent the last eight months locked up in my god-damn room, doing nothing but watching TV and carelessy scrolling through the internet.

Now it was about time I did something. I spent two years of my life by the side of a man that didn’t deserve my love. He didn’t deserve me being close to him. He basically didn’t deserve my anything.  
He cheated on me four times. He never cared about how I spent my day when he’s been gone for thirteen god-damn hours. He never responded to anything I said if it wasn’t related to him. He didn’t care about me in bed. He was just a huge asshole. And I didn’t leave him, because I was too afraid to be alone.

In the end he left. For someone prettier, smarter, funnier than me. That always happens.

During my time alone at home, I met this guy. Not literally. Over the internet, of course. He was nice and actually seemed to be interested in me. He was nice and always suggested to meet up, but as I said, I was wrecked.

After a long time, he told me he wanted to fix me in small steps. I told him that I couldn’t lose anything, so we could as well just try it. First, we had endless phone calls that only would’ve ended when one of us finally fell asleep. Then, we started videochatting via skype and hey, he was even prettier than on all of his photos. I didn’t want to admit it but I fell for him. Slowly, but I did.

_Turn the lock and put my headphones on, he always said he didn’t get this song, but I do._

His name was Phil and he was from Manchester, which seemed to be a whole universe away from where I lived. But last week, when he told me he would visit relatives that were living close to me, my heart jumped a little and I knew he was going to ask me if I wanted to meet up with him. Before he even said a word, I asked him when and where. To that point, I think he’d been halfway through fixing me and I hadn’t even noticed.

We met up at one of my favorite places in town, a cute little cafe. I came around the corner and I was surprised to already see him standing there.

_Walked in expecting you’d be late, but you got here early and you stand and wave._

I saw him and couldn’t help it, a huge smile appeared on my face. He was real, so close I could touch him. When he hugged me, I noticed how much I missed this feeling of someone having me in their arms. I somehow wanted to snuggle up against his shoulder and never let go, but I got my shit together and followed him in. He pulled my chair and waited for me to take my seat, waiting patiently, not sitting down until I finally sat down.

“You’ve been early, I actually expected you to be late”, I whispered, afraid to say something wrong. He chuckled.

“I just couldn’t let you wait. And to be honest, I was too nervous to spend another minute on the sofa, staring at the tv.” He ordered our drinks and I smiled because he clearly memorized that my favorite in there was plain white coffee.

_And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did._

My hands were sweaty and my heart was rave dancing in its little cage. We just stared at each other until I finally put all my courage together to say something.

“I thought we would talk a lot when we meet, but to be honest I’m so nervous, I guess I’m about to vomit on the table to completely scare you away again.” I put on a careful smile and my body shortly twitched as he started laughing out loud, a warm sparkle in his eyes. Nobody laughed about something I said in ages. Not like that.

“I feel the same, don’t worry. It’s just, you know, nice to look at you. Seeing you physically sit in front of me makes me super happy”, he said and I smiled even brighter than I did a few minutes back.

_We tell stories and you don’t know why I’m coming off a little shy, but I do._

He started talking, telling me about Manchester, his family, how much he likes to travel, what places he’s already been to and some places that he’d like to show me one day. Once in a while he told me to say something and I always responded with the same sentence. “I like listening to you, please, just continue.”

Of course this wasn’t the whole truth. I was still afraid to say something wrong, something that would’ve made him leave again. And I was afraid my stories couldn’t be good enough for him, that I couldn’t be good enough for him.

_And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas and I want to talk about that, and for the first time **what’s past is past.**_

After about three hours we decided to go to my place for a bit. My parents weren’t at home and we both spent all our money on coffee, it was too cold outside to just sit somewehere. I thought about telling Phil about him, telling him why I was so insecure because, all he knew so far was that my last relationship didn’t turn out that great.

It started snowing and I was still having a little mind-battle when Phil took my hand and held it tight.

“Did you ever see Miracle on 34th Street?”, he asked out of the nowhere and I just shook my head, wondering where his mind has been. “Bummer, we could’ve talked about how cool it is. My family and I, we watch it every Christmas and none of us ever gets sick of it.”

“We could watch it, you know, when we’re at my place.” He smiled and agreed, which made my heart pound even more.

And then I asked myself why it would matter so much to tell Phil what happened. Because, really, Phil wasn’t him. Phil was Phil. There still would’ve been enough chances to tell him about the hell I’ve been through, but now we were here, it was present and I shouldn’t waste a single thought about the bad times when I had Phil there, right beside me.

I stopped walking, Phil turned around couriously staring at me, not letting go of my hand. I took a step towards him, and fastly put a little kiss on his lips.

This was now. The heart-pounding and the good feeling, the warmth in my body when I saw him smile and the flip my heart did when he leaned forward to kiss me properly.

_I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again._

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be found on my [tumblr](http://captain-jacky.tumblr.com/post/66074667857/begin-again).


End file.
